Sunday, May 20, 2012

Everything Is Shattered

What if every day you live by while having the thoughts that one day, one fine day, you will get a chance to live normally, like a normal person, follow the norm, and just there comes a day, all these seems so far of reach.

You used to think that all these are just not meant for you, why not just live the way you think and believe. Even though it's not how people usually think, but that's okay because that's how you think. Then, you mix with people somehow and someday, there will be a time all these start to make sense.

All these previously made no sense to you. You questioned, why must you follow them. Eventually, due to the strong influence, you started believing it and you wonder if it can really be done, if all these will actually happen on you. You started contemplating that maybe, you should just follow suit and stop being a weirdo in the crowd.

Then, there comes a day when things don't look good anymore. The people that used to have so much influence in your life no longer give you the confidence that these could actually happen. Your beliefs, and your hopes were practically shattered. Things happened, and you don't even know what to believe, what to hope, and what to expect anymore. You just feel lost.

You started doubting about everything. You started doubting with the people around you, you just don't even know who can you trust. Sometimes, you realized you can't even trust yourself, and that includes doubting about yourself. The things that you have been thinking every night seems to fade further and further away and now, everything starts to get real.

You do not wanna do things you did anymore in that period of time when you were starting to believe. But you thought, maybe you shouldn't have because the things that is happening is not suggesting it. You feel disappointed and you feel lost. Not knowing where to turn to might be the hardest thing.

Everything that happened seems that has been turned over night. Those moments feel so surreal now. Each time you think back about those things that happened, just don't seem right anymore, it's all leaving and fading one after another. It's so cynical that at times, it may get depressing.

When you start doubting it is when everything else stops. You start thinking, what have you done wrong. The expectations? The hope? The belief? The faith? There's no absolute answer.

Everything seems to have crumbled down and you just can't even find the broken piece anymore because it's just too broken that everything tore apart. Life's hurting but it has to go on.


lpj said...

ur in love but love not return ma..? is another layer of our young time shedding lor.. is like dat one.. then new layer wil grow.. so must prepare for new growth lor. must make it bettah.. when dis happen i think possible god exist lor..just my thinkin nia :) take care hor my sweetie fren ;)

Panda said...

Lolz why must it always be love? Zzz no jer I'm sorry haha

Anonymous said...

Excuse me but feeling like I gonna be sick like wanna throw up lolz =.= ... Have you called up singgahsana or the other one I told you?

lpj said...

halo xcuse me, u make joke of my fren izit! u think u smart ass?

Panda said...

Adam: Why do you wanna throw up? Oh no i didn't cox that trip is cancelled .. dafuq i know haha


Anonymous said...

Dafuq =.= why cancel haiyo wasted man..
Ish u know why I want to throw up.. No need say here later got kpkb..

Somebody gonna get hurt real bad... Somebody...lolz

Kongang haseyo~!
Brian! Adam's gay..

Panda said...

Yeah I know but a few of us are planning for pangkor instead. It's coz of some training n the group was too big sure will not work out in the end. Hopefully this one is gonna work out ^^

Hey! No war here okay!

Anonymous said...

Haha okok have fun ^^ pangkor awesome too at least the last time I went. My lips are sealed :|

lpj said...

only ahqua hv sealed lips.