Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Hanbok 한복

This is what I drew today haha

The traditional attire for Korean ladies, it's called Hanbok or in Korean writing 한복. This is like the only traditional that I really like in so many countries. 

Monday, May 28, 2012

Toby, we miss you

It's May 27th today and how time flies, it has been 2 years Toby had left us all. I still remembered that one fateful day that had changed my life forever.

Life after that day has never been the same. It's just a matter of time and it's about getting used to not having him around but it will not be easy. I had already tried preparing myself for that and I thought I will be strong enough to accept it when that day comes. Just when I thought I was, I failed terribly. I was not ready physically, mentally and emotionally.

On that morning, I heard a knock on my door as I was preparing to work and I thought hey something had gone wrong only to learn that Toby had all left us. The night before I was actually upstairs. Something had told me that I must get down to see him. That ... was the last ever time I saw him in this life and I didn't know that was my last time seeing him in this life. I shouldn't have gone up after that. I should have stayed on there to accompany him. I was trying very hard to cope with life and man, I was just too depressed to do anything else. Each time when I was not occupied with things, he came into my mind, the memories of him came into my heard and that got me even more depressed than I already was. It was a very tough phrase to go through. I was not eating, drinking, sleeping and workig properly. It took me quite awhile before I could actually accept the fact that he's gone forever and he's not coming back to be my side, to be there for me whenever I needed him.

I know that he's watching over us and he's in a better place. Though it has been 2 years, whenever I think of him, I still feel that painful moment at times. He had definitely played a very big role during my growing up years. It was like we practically grew up together. He was the only one and I meant one and only one in my teenage years who was there for me whenever I was down. He was my best ever friend.

He might not be a human but he had proved that he can be better than human. Toby, you are the best guy ever! We miss you a lot ^^

Friday, May 25, 2012

They Don't Know Their Self-Worth

I strongly believe every individual is in this universe for a reason. No matter it's for a good cause or not, you're still here.

Each one of us have a value of our own. Girls, especially came a long way to how it is today. The status had divided the 2 genders world's apart in previous times.

Now, it's time where we live in equality in certain things.

Abuse, was something happened in the past you think. You will be surprised of how often it is still happening these days. You either come to know the victim, or the abuser.

Some girls, somehow, just allow the guys to abuse them. Some, had attempted running away, ended up getting caught and eventually got abused even worse than they had been. Some, are too afraid to speak out, continue being abused, and all these abusers could walk away freely. The feeling of being paranoid, the fear, and some die without getting the abusers being found out.

There are some who chose to stay on. They don't know their self worth. They don't know this should not be happening. They don't know that a guy who raises his hand, is the guy you should walk away instantly without a second thought. A real man does not raise his hand no matter how bad the circumstances. A real man protects the weaker one, not release it on them.

Some don't know they can speak out. Some are clueless on what can they do. Some have the fear of losing someone, they rather get abused.

They just don't know that only themselves can change their own lives. All they need is to be courageous, to be brave enough to stand up and walk away without looking back because abuse is wrong, it's absolutely wrong. It should not even be existed. Your life is in your hands. Whether you wanna make that change or not, you decide. We always have options and choices in life. It just depends what you want in life, and if you dare to take the risk.

Personally, I strongly disagree and detest using violence against anything and anyone. We are all educated and civilized that we can come to a solution by talking it out. Humans were not born just yesterday. We have learned, grown, and went through so many revolution to how it is today.

Those who do must be from the lowest of the low life because you have no respect, you're uneducated, uncivilized and your actions are just certainly too uncalled-for in humankind.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Everything Is Shattered

What if every day you live by while having the thoughts that one day, one fine day, you will get a chance to live normally, like a normal person, follow the norm, and just there comes a day, all these seems so far of reach.

You used to think that all these are just not meant for you, why not just live the way you think and believe. Even though it's not how people usually think, but that's okay because that's how you think. Then, you mix with people somehow and someday, there will be a time all these start to make sense.

All these previously made no sense to you. You questioned, why must you follow them. Eventually, due to the strong influence, you started believing it and you wonder if it can really be done, if all these will actually happen on you. You started contemplating that maybe, you should just follow suit and stop being a weirdo in the crowd.

Then, there comes a day when things don't look good anymore. The people that used to have so much influence in your life no longer give you the confidence that these could actually happen. Your beliefs, and your hopes were practically shattered. Things happened, and you don't even know what to believe, what to hope, and what to expect anymore. You just feel lost.

You started doubting about everything. You started doubting with the people around you, you just don't even know who can you trust. Sometimes, you realized you can't even trust yourself, and that includes doubting about yourself. The things that you have been thinking every night seems to fade further and further away and now, everything starts to get real.

You do not wanna do things you did anymore in that period of time when you were starting to believe. But you thought, maybe you shouldn't have because the things that is happening is not suggesting it. You feel disappointed and you feel lost. Not knowing where to turn to might be the hardest thing.

Everything that happened seems that has been turned over night. Those moments feel so surreal now. Each time you think back about those things that happened, just don't seem right anymore, it's all leaving and fading one after another. It's so cynical that at times, it may get depressing.

When you start doubting it is when everything else stops. You start thinking, what have you done wrong. The expectations? The hope? The belief? The faith? There's no absolute answer.

Everything seems to have crumbled down and you just can't even find the broken piece anymore because it's just too broken that everything tore apart. Life's hurting but it has to go on.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Happy Birthday, Aboeji (Part 2)

This had been 2 months. Aboeji's birthday. Haha.

Fish and chips

The over black chicken, it was just too salty

Okay the little ice cream brownies we got

Omg ... like so sad


So yeah this is it ... Happy Birthday ^^

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

I'm Home!

Yo! So, I arrived home last Thursday. The dream holiday had all ended. I can conclude this whole trip is a successful one despite getting up late everyday which ends up having tight schedule.

I think it has been all planned well in the sense that the people we met along the way were all angels. They helped us, they guided us to ensure that we get home safely.

We had lots of fun, we met so many nice people. Even though I have lived here my entire life, but the the people I met for that 11 days had beat all the people I met here in my own place. How embarassing can that be. We lost our way, we got stranded. But, again, that's an experience of a lifetime.

I feel fitter, I feel healthier. But then, now it's back to reality. Everything has to come to an end, and though I wish I can just stay on and on there forever, I know that's not going to happen.

Oh btw, I had a hair cut and colored my hair when I got home. This is the result.